


Like icewater in my chest

by mehsarah



Series: Foster Dad Lin Oneshots [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff, FosterDadLin, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Social Anxiety, fostercare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 14:32:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7938226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mehsarah/pseuds/mehsarah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex has freezing cold water clenching in his chest keeping him from going to school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like icewater in my chest

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ohNooOOOOoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohNooOOOOoo/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Foster Dad Lin Collection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6616012) by [ohNooOOOOoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohNooOOOOoo/pseuds/ohNooOOOOoo). 



> soo this is inspired by ohNooOOOOoos foster dad lin au i fell in love with and i also love her okay read her stories and yah this au is 100% hers just saying

Alex stared at his phone,Lins contact info kept on flashing up with a picture of them both smiling and he kept on pressing the red button until he threw his phone away and hid is face under his arms,rested his chin on his knees and let the tears flow.He found out.Lin found out and he wouldn't tolerate it and he would yell at him and hit him and send him away and worst of all,hate him.

Alexander hasn't been going to school the last few weeks and it wasn't because of a rush of teenage rebellion but because of a rush of fear. The kind of fear that makes your chest clench painfully and your hand shake and your heartbeat audible.And while Alexander Hamilton has been in a lot of situations where it was justified to be scared this wasn't one of them.It was a silly dumb thing but he couldn't help it.He went to bed optimistically every night and woke up drenched and scared and he tried to go,he really did but the anxiety always clouded his brain,not letting him form a reasonable thought so he left his school way to drive to a nearby park with a huge tree which branches hung down to the ground and hid there and wrote into his journal until school was over and then he rode home and when Lin or Vanessa asked them how school was he said it was 'good' or 'fine' or 'as always' and then excused himself to his room because he had 'a lot of homework to do' and Lin said 'Don't work too hard,mijo.' and Alexs heart busted of shame.

He had done everything to not let his foster family find out.He hid the letters from school,took the calls and ended them and it worked until now but today lin didn't have rehearsals so he was at home and Alex wasn't there to cut off the schools calls so he had just prayed it would work out although he knew it'd come out eventually and well his prayers didn't work and now it was out and he felt like the whole loving home of the mirandas broke down for him.

He weighed out the opportunities of what he could do.He could run away but it didn't seem smart to do that with only his bike,a backpack with schoolbooks and his journal.He could stay under this tree forever.Or until some teens looking for a place to get stoned would find him.No,the only solution was to face Lin and tell him thanks for everything he had done for him and accept his hits and a new foster home that would never really be a home.That's what he had to do.He got up and pushed his bike out of the curtain of leaves and wood.

The ten minute ride to get home was full of held back tears,regret,shame and fear.He still called the apartment home,enjoying the privilege while it lasted.Standing in front of the door he fiddled with his keys,hands shaking,breathing heavy and sweat breaking out over his body.

Just as he started studying the suddenly interesting wood door it opened and Alex was faced by a tired looking lin,grey sweater on,hair in a bun,eyes full of worry. 'Mijo..'he said and Alex bit his lip,nearing tears.'Come in.' Lin said a few seconds later and when he didn't react Lin took his arm and pulled him in.Closing the door behind him Lin led him to the living room,signaling his foster kid to sit down next to him on the couch.After Alex sank into the soft fabric he finally found his voice again,cracked but there.'So..so you found out?'he asked already knowing the answer.'Yeah.' Lin answered and Alex gasped in panic,crouching down to the edge of the couch using his arms to protect his face and rips from the hits he expected to come although he knew he deserved to be hurt in the worst possible way.The hits never came.

Instead Lins hand pulled his hands away from his body and Alex had the panicked thought that he did it because he also thought he deserved to hurt in the worst possible way but then he got pulled into a hug and he just buried his face in Lins sweater and drenched it with tears while Lin told him that he 'didn't have to be scared because I'm nothing like your past foster parents and i love you mijo,i do and please stop crying,it's breaking my heart.'and Alex eventually did and a few minutes later Alexs sobbing got quieter and stopped and he pulled away from lin and said 'I try to go to school every day Lin,i really do,you have to believe me but im so so scared,Lin,it feels like icewater in my chest and it's keeping me from breathing and thinking clearly and there are so many people and challenges to fail at school and I'm so scared.'

Lins face clouded with worry more and more every word Alex spoke.'Alex,Alex we'll figure it out okay?You need to see a therapist.''What?No!' Alex jumped at the sentence.'I can't.I'm not crazy and even if i was you shouldn't have to pay for a therapist.You shouldn't pay for me at all.You should send me away.Why would you think i deserve your care?'he rambled on,barely stopping to breathe and when he looked up he saw tears gleaming in Lins eyes which only proofed his words to him.He made people sad or miserable.That's what he did.He let his eyes fall again.

'Alex.'Lin said 'Look at me.'Alex didn't,afraid he wouldn't bring up the courage to look the men in the eye.'Okay then can you just listen to me?'he asked and Alex nodded.'I don't want you to go a therapist because i think you're crazy,i want you to see one because what you described sounded an awful lot like social anxiety and i want you to get better as soon as possible and for that you need professional help.And i would spend all i had for your wellbeing in a second.What kind of parent would i be if i wouldn't be ready to pay for your health.I'm not ever gonna send you away because you're ,fuck,you're my son,Alex,and mijo you should never feel like you can't tell me about stuff like this.'

Alex sniffled.Then he nodded.'Can i have another hug?' he asked and immediately recieved one along with an uplifting smile from Lin.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed it! ♡  
> till next time
> 
> talk to me on tumblr:http:target-for-far-away-laughter


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